08
Aug
14

Lap Dogs

I know it’s been awhile, but a Huffington Post blog brought up this tangent (see link below).

Why are men stuck in the tiny little pigeon hole of what it is to be “a man?” The blog in question was addressing the positives of daily sex. Aside from the author’s obvious heteronormative views on relationships, she stated that men only need “Food, appreciation, and sex. That’s it.”

Really, lady? If that is all your significant other needs, I weep for you. If your mate is only a lap dog who needs a bowl of chow, the occasional pat on the head, and a leg to hump, perhaps you should both broaden your horizons. While I can accept that you feel that your womanhood lies in your drive to reproduce, to lump all men in this sad group of puppy land and to use that generalization to offer advice to millions of women is misguided at best. So, I offer my own suggestion on how to “make your man feel like a man.”

Treat him as an individual and as a person, not a dog. Make him feel like he is more than your meal ticket, that he has intellectual contributions to your relationship far beyond what he can add monetarily. Give him appreciation for doing more than working out of the house, acknowledge his contribution to your household and your children (if you have them, because I do not measure a woman’s worth as a human being by the number of times her uterus has housed anyone). Offer him love, but understand that men too enjoy a good cuddle, a soft touch, and moments of quiet conversation. Last but not least, understand and show him that men are just as complicated as women, that you understand he has emotions but that society makes him bottle most of them, and that he is a person of value and not just a sex crazed garbage disposal seeking your approval.

Link to original blog post:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/meg-conley/five-reasons-you-should-h_b_5647291.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

27
Feb
14

This post started with a post on Facebook of a picture of men. Which led to a Google search of “real women have curves”. Let me just say, it was generally nauseating. That being stated, said search linked me to this (http://recognizablefruits.blogspot.com/) blog. Same blog then led to this post. Back story now complete, let the games begin…

This young woman has a fabulous point; a point I once thought Feminism had gotten beyond. I like to pretend in my head that the bulk of Feminism is truly and honestly rooted in a desire for equality; the movement of women and men to place all people, regardless of sex, gender, race, socioeconomic status, disability, or age on the same equal footing. I sometimes have this delusion that the bulk of Feminism (both within and outside of academia) is capable of celebrating our similarities, while still recognizing our differences. I did state that these are delusions though, didn’t I?

In reality, there are young women who are degraded because obese is the new beautiful. Of course, this isn’t actually new. There have been times throughout history where thin is celebrated and times when heavy is desirable, but with mass media being what it is, there is a stark division between the ‘skinny chicks’ and the ‘fat girls’. In reality, women want more rights in birth control, but to the removal of men’s (not taking sides, simply stating fact). In reality, first world problems of body image overshadow the problems of women that are unable to feed their families or provide even the most basic medical care for their children. In reality, women are being degraded for staying home with their children; and so are men. Where is Feminism on these issues?
Many Feminists are doing the degrading of the ‘skinny chicks’ while popular media continues to show the very thin as an ideal. Truth? There is a spectrum of what constitutes beautiful. To each his own, and if someone is healthy, their body shape is nobody else’s business.
The term ‘reproductive rights’ in Feminism (on the whole) refers only to women. I get that this is a touchy subject. I get that by giving men choice, it reduces the choice of women. I completely understand that women are not incubators for the singular purpose of carrying children. BUT. If Feminism is truly about equality, we must, MUST recognize that expanding women’s reproductive rights diminishes those of men. We must also recognize that men have VERY limited options in birth control. Men have very few choices, while they abound for women. Don’t get me wrong, it is WONDERFUL that women have these choices, but what about men? Condoms, sterilization, abstinence. That’s it, folks. That’s all they have. This is not equality.

While there are many Feminists who acknowledge the problems facing women over seas, suggesting that women in India, the Middle East, and other conservative cultures just demand that men use condoms to prevent disease is, well, stupid. Yeah. I said it. A bunch of middle class white girls telling grown women to threaten their own lives, when same white girls have no real understanding of the implications that request holds, infuriates me. Really.

Last but not least in this rant, why must Feminists degrade women who choose to stay home with their children? Granted, there are many Feminists who support men staying home, but others who (while they may support it ideologically) will make fun of or degrade the ACTUAL men they know that stay home. Really, though, while I think we need to shift away from this ridiculous essentialism that only women can nurture, at this exact second, it is the first of these two that bothers me the most. ‘The Problem with No Name’ was supposed to be about choice. The second wave was supposed to be about opportunity. Why must Feminism step back to the 80’s ‘mommy wars’? If a woman wants to take advantage of her birth control options, have sex, not get married, and have a career; GREAT FOR HER! If a woman wants to remain abstinent until marriage (or at least monogamous), then have multiple children, and stay at home with those children; GREAT FOR HER! Of course, there is a great deal of variation between the two, but none of those variants are attacked by Feminism (and Feminists, themselves) with the same vehemence that is aimed toward chastity, and the nuclear family. If that is a woman’s choice, that choice should be equally supported and celebrated.

02
May
13

the elephant in the room

So this will be a rare glimpse into the personal me, with a bit of the social/political/feminist thrown in.

A friend of mine posted a TED talk on Facebook (And I am adding here that if you are not already familiar with TED talks, you should be. They are pure awesomeness.), adding in the comments that the Dr. in the talk reminds her of me in voice, non-verbal cues, and (I really like this part and it makes me smile) her “passion for love”. As is often the case, I then made a somewhat sarcastic (although not mean spirited) comment about the chance to view myself through another person’s eyes.

I honestly was interested in the change of perspective, being able to view someone else who others felt were somehow representative of me. Pretty cool, right? The truth? I found it very difficult to do so. It took me half the video to stop pointing out (in my inner speech) her flaws in speech and mannerisms, thinking to myself “Am I really that overly theatrical with my movements?” or “Do I really use those inflections and throw in snark at strange moments?” The obvious answer to those questions (if you have ever had more than a passing hello with me) would be, yes. Yes I do. It took some time for me to get past the over analyzing of her movement and speech patterns and allow myself to actually absorb her words, to actually listen to what she was saying.

When the clip ended, I posted a comment that was rather light, but also (as per usual) somewhat sarcastic (again, not in a mean spirited way). I posted this for two reasons. First, it was actually true. I suffer from a rather fascinating sort of migraine. They are both ocular and hemiplegic. Like, at the same time. Point being, her stroke description was VERY familiar, but I never hit what she refers to as “Nirvana” (the peace that comes with being pure energy and fully in the now). Secondly (and the point of this whole mess), because I couldn’t quite put my other thoughts into words at that exact moment. Now I am going to try.
What I did was exactly, EXACTLY what I do to myself. I over analyze. I criticize. I fail to recognize the positive unless I am so engrossed that I forget to do so. I have to be so interested in that moment that I can ignore the negative part screaming how awful I am. It was not until I really was able to forget that I was comparing myself to her (or in my usual day to day, everyone else) that I was able to really focus, understand, and even laugh with her.

So, my foray into the perceptions of others didn’t go so well but was interesting all the same. I learned that, at least at this point in time, I CAN’T view myself as others do. That being said, at least now I know that, if I make the effort to ignore the damned elephant, I can see and appreciate the rest of the room for what it is.

27
Mar
13

Ups, downs, and hard pills

Today has been a day of ups and downs. Frustration at those who would remain silent because of selfishness, joy over those willing to risk everything to protect others.

Today, Sonya Sotomayor took a stand at the SCOTUS. She stated, on official record, that sexual orientation should be a protected class. She stated that prejudice against anyone based on their orientation is discriminatory and should be illegal. She managed to get the attorney, the very man charged with defending Prop 8, that this was so. On record. That was a certain up.

Today I worked for hours, calling here there and yonder (yes, I said yonder) to help my state and city provide valuable information on fair housing, preventing discrimination, and helping others. I managed to chase down new contacts to help me in that mission. Another certain up.

Today, I saw an amazing outpouring of support for love. I saw dozens myself, and evidence of millions of others who stand on the side of love. BIG up.

I watched a friend stand up and speak, asking those who have refused to protect her in the past to do so now. I watched as those same people, who have sometimes been difficult, support her and thank her for her words. Yet another WONDERFUL up.

I watched legislators in my state stand up for the civil rights of others, their friends, family, and loved ones. I watched as they took an unpopular stand to support civil equality in a place that often works to remove it. And that was one more up.

Sadly, I also watched as angry men screamed. I watched as people claiming to love God and each other, blatantly use that same name to support and legalize hate. I watched as an elected official said he refused the will of others and that he, as a “God fearing Christian” would do only God’s will. That children are being gunned down in schools because God has been removed from them. That he would vote “God’s will! NOT that of my left wing liberal counterparts”. That would be a down.

I see the progress, but I see the hate. Sometimes the hate is just such a hard pill to swallow. I think I just won’t.

02
Mar
13

Fighting the good fight

The following speech was presented on the steps of the capital building in Frankfort, KY during a rally for reproductive rights and civil equality.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men and women are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

The history of mankind is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations on the part of man toward woman, having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over her.

He has usurped the prerogative of Jehovah himself, claiming it as his right to assign for her a sphere of action, when that belongs to her conscience and to her God.”

These words were spoken by Elisabeth Catie Stanton July, 19th 1848. Women and men gathered in Seneca Falls, NY where the “Declaration of Sentiments” (a document demanding equal treatment and citizenship for women) was drafted and put forth to the government of these United States. We stand here now, almost 165 year later, still fighting for many of those rights.

Kentucky Senate bill 4 requires that a physician (or a licensed designee thereof) be physically present with a patient at the time of consent. This holds ramifications for women who require distant travel for medical procedures that are already financially crushing.

Kentucky Senate bill 5 requires that all women seeking to have “any part of an abortion performed” must first be subject to an invasive, transuterine ultrasound. In simple language, a woman who is attempting to responsibly deal with an unwanted pregnancy must also be subjected to having a large, uncomfortable instrument forced into her vaginal opening, then lay quietly while a doctor explains in detail about the fetus.

The consequence for doctors refusing this unethical requirement of an unneeded medical procedure is a Class D felony. A penalty that includes, among others, violent offenses and sex crimes. How very ironic, that to avoid these charges, a doctor must force a woman to engage in penetration by an artificial phallus. Nothing less than MANDATED RAPE!

Additionally, I feel it important to note that, of the eight senators cosponsoring this bill, only ONE is a woman. Seven, SEVEN men have put their names and weight behind a bill that does not affect THEM or THEIR bodies, but could affect thousands of women.

This is the reality, so many people (mostly legislators it would appear) think that abortion is easy. That it is a decision that women come to lightly and without reflection. This is NOT TRUE! Women come to this decision because they KNOW that, for whatever reason, they CAN NOT accept the financial responsibilities that pregnancy, birth, and upbringing carry. These women KNOW that they, for whatever reason, CAN NOT provide for the health and well being of a fetus, a baby, or a child. These women KNOW that, for whatever reason, it is in the best interest of ALL parties involved, to terminate a pregnancy.

Kentucky Senate bills 4 and 5 serve to prevent a woman from exercising the right to do what SHE KNOWS is best.

We stand here today, not only to speak for the rights of women to be free from the mandates of rape, but also to speak for the rights of our brothers, our sisters, our sons and our daughters, our friends and ourselves. For too long we have been expected to fight for the equality of our LGBTI family by going city to city, begging for equal treatment one commission or council at a time.

While I salute the leadership of Louisville, Lexington, Covington, and Vicco for trying to secure the equal rights of all of their citizens, it is time to bring equality to all Kentuckians. It is time that we no longer have to wonder if we have crossed the city boundaries and are now fair game to those who would see us left homeless, jobless, and afraid.

KY Senate Bill 28 extends the hands of equality across the Commonwealth. While it does not prevent prejudice, it does prevent discrimination. It lets ALL Kentuckians see that our Commonwealth and its legislators recognize all of us as people FIRST and demands that others do the same. KY Senate Bill 28 shows our YOUTH that, even though we sometimes have to fight for is, it does, in fact GET BETTER!

We stand here today at OUR Capital in common cause. That our rights as individuals not be denied by the majority or by the privileged. We are all here today to stand up and to BE COUNTED!

02
Jul
12

Response to “intersex is NOT a disease”

http://xxytalks.wordpress.com/2012/07/01/the-f-word/

A response from a reader

29
Jun
12

(for future reference for anyone still reading all this drama)

Not directed at anyone in particular, but all offensive posts will be blocked. And, here I am the almighty and I decide what’s offensive. Sucks for you folks, but there ya go.




Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.