Identifying with the other

So, recent comments on my intersex post have led me to feel the need to write another post. Hooray for you! (sarcasm)

The discussion (for those who don’t want to read all the comments) is about identifying with the other. Wanting to be the other to justify why a person feels the way they do, the other not understanding why anyone would desire to be that other, feeling they don’t understand what being other entails. Thus, I’m going to lay it all out there…

It seems many trans individuals want to have a label so that they understand WHY they feel like their parts don’t match what they feel in their hearts and minds. Having a diagnosis that explains why stuff doesn’t match up. OK. I get that. I get that it is difficult to deal with the internal cognitive dissonance that comes with the external incongruence. It makes complete sense.

The reality, though, is that for all the similarities between trans and intersex (having to deal with stupid doctors, a medical community who rarely understands the needs of the individual when it comes to both the internal and external organs, etc) the differences are ignored. Intersex people do not WANT their genitals to match the dichotomy. They do not wish to be shoved in a pigeon holed description of what sex and gender are to the majority of non-intersex people. They want to live as they are (or were before being hacked upon by some self important asshole).

Like trans people, intersex people want to be able to use the public restroom without fear of retribution. But that fear is based solely on the structure which dictates what is too small or too big. They want to go through their day and not have to hear a joke about how much size matters, that someone needs to ‘grow a pair,’ or that a man isn’t a man if his penis is ‘too small.’ They want to have their clitoris be loved as it is. Not have a mate turned off because she is too big to be a woman. They want to live life, not having to wonder how things might have been, had they not been reassigned without their permission and without their parents being pushed to have it done (if they were consulted at all). They want to hear someone speak of female genital mutilation, knowing it wasn’t done to themselves, ripped apart because some stupid doctor with a tape measure could see her parts when the doctor felt it shouldn’t be seen. They want to know that their size really doesn’t matter, despite what the jokes and snide comments say.

I want it understood…I am NOT saying that the intersex road is harder than the trans. They are both two very difficult rows to hoe. But I think trans people sometimes underestimate the daily struggles of living in a world where, the only way a person can be judged of their full worth, is by what is or is not in their pants.

9 Responses to “Identifying with the other”

  1. June 22, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    It is good and I think the theory as to why Trans are trying to claim intersex is either for justification or excuse for their transsexualism.

  2. June 23, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    Again, I don’t think it’s as insidious as that. just a few bad apples who latched onto an unproven scientific theory.

    • June 23, 2012 at 3:50 pm

      I think it is insidious because it pisses off Intersex people and it makes life very hard for them to exist. When you constantly have trans people claiming to be intersex without any proof or validity. For them, they are just trying to justify their transition to their friends and family. Even looking for an excuse for who they are. Which pisses off Intersex people like me and even Harms Intersex kids & Infants at the hands of scared parents when they see Trans people pretending to be Intersex. It’s people like Raven Kaldera have been telling trans people not to claim intersex and claiming intersex is a bad idea and will harm Intersex people like me. On top of that it’s colonization and stealing other people’s identity.

      • June 24, 2012 at 7:44 am

        And I think you are flogging a dead horse. I’ve told you the other reason it happens. I’ve explained until I was blue in the face that very few of us cling to the intersex/ trans theory and I’ve even ignored your insults regarding who we actually are. YOU are no better than the rest of the ignorant and bigoted general public you also seem to hate. So I am done with your pity party. If none of what I have told you has sunk in then I think your main problem is a learning disability.

        BTW, our victories affect you as well. As seen here:
        I don’t hear you complaining when we do all the legwork while sit back you insult us.

      • June 24, 2012 at 1:21 pm

        Oii is a fantastic organization that has done a great deal for intersex and trans alike. I wish that the US would take a page from them as far as organization. The ISNA (or whatever their current acronym is) just doesn’t have the same level of support and leadership, but I wish they did. But no.

        Here we take steps backward. The APA re-designates GID back to GD (which, in my humble opinion is somewhat offensive) and now adds intersex as a subtype ONLY if there was reassignment at birth. So some idiot hacks an infant and now that infant is gender dysphoric? Disgusting. And that is aside from the state to state laws. Some states birth certificates can be changed, others they can’t. Some states an intersex or post op trans losses marital status based on stupid crap. What the hell difference does it make!? Why do people care SO much about what is between another person’s legs, what clothes they wear, or if they wear make up or don’t? I just don’t get it.

      • June 27, 2012 at 4:44 pm

        I disagree on OII. OII is a genderist centered group that is run by Trans people who have no experience and no Knowledge of being born Intersex. OII is the joke of the Intersex community and has done NOTHING for Intersex people in America. The only intersex group that is known to do more for Intersex people is Advocates for Informed Choice and they have done more that OII

      • June 28, 2012 at 2:01 am

        True, they haven’t done anything on a global scale. I agree. I like their model though. Advocates for Informed Choice have done a much better job than ISNA ever did, including choosing not to throw DSD around the way the ISNA did and Accord Alliance does. Just this humble fighters opinion, but I think the whole switch was for the purposes of protecting butchers. First DSD and then intersex gets a subheading in the DSM5. It’s disgusting.

      • June 28, 2012 at 2:43 am

        It’s because alot of Trans wants to steal the Intersex name like they are doing to Women and Lesbian

  3. June 28, 2012 at 5:21 am

    You’re a broken record Nicky. Seeing as how you are NOT trans, don’t assume you know what we want.

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